Toward Emotional AND Spiritual Health in the New Year

I recommended a post-election emotional cleanse, and now that the holidays have passed, I recommend a post-holidays one, too.

Because family dynamics are tricky, right? Being with family can be a joyful time of reliving cherished memories and creating new ones with the people we love most in the world. But is also lends itself to reverting back to childhood roles, opening old wounds and creating new ones. Some people have the same fight with the same relative every year. Others suffer in silent sorrow or anger.

For most people, it’s a mix of both. A huge factor in the unpleasant part of this equation is that people don’t tend to change much. Most people aren’t aware that change is necessary; they view the world through a certain filter and their way of seeing makes sense to them. It’s other people who don’t see things right. Personalities flare, and conflict ensues. Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it – and that goes for personal history, too.

I’ve been reminded of this maxim lately as I navigate the world of people in pain and conflict: “You can only be as spiritually mature as you are emotionally mature.” This is so profoundly true that I wish it were written on at least one wall of every sanctuary in the land. Its evidence lies in people with great theology and disastrous lives, and in people who have non-biblical theology because it suits their emotional bent better than what God’s word actually says.

I am not criticizing here; I am making an assessment of what I’ve seen in my 42 years as a Christian. Everyone is truly doing the best they are able to, and no one can do better until they gain self-awareness and the tools to get free of what negatively influences them. Undeveloped emotional health is why you may encounter someone who’s been a Christian for decades but still struggles with jealousy or rage or low self-esteem, for instance.

The Holy Spirit is pretty amazing at conforming our nature to that of Jesus. But we usually have to recognize that something in us needs conforming and then submit ourselves to his work. A Type One, for example, often has a hard time recognizing that perfectionistic righteousness is not the only game in town. A Seven may have a hard time mourning with those who mourn or even understanding that this is necessary. Our personalities select which parts of Christianity make sense to us and which to focus on. This lessens our experience of God, others and ourselves.

In addition, people have all suffered emotional pain that taints their experience. Those who have suffered abuse are often seriously emotionally stunted by their trauma. Interestingly, personal observation suggests that neglect and rejection have almost as serious an impact.

People in this group often endure ongoing suffering, and they are therefore more aware that their emotions need healing. For others, it’s not so clear. The analogy that comes to mind is of a broken guitar amp. God is playing all the notes you need to hear, but the sound comes out through your broken amp (emotional filter) so that the notes are distorted and/or you only hear some of them.

Let’s not stay this way. The world is waiting for us to be the amazing selves that lie at the core of our being, the selves God created. God calls us through Paul to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. That just happens to be where emotional maturity (or immaturity) resides. Will you make this the year that you grow emotionally? Learn the Enneagram. Get counselling if you’ve suffered trauma. Learn how to be still and quiet. Keep a judgements journal. Heck, you can even buy my audio program & journal, Know Yourself to Know God, which teaches on three of those four things. But this isn’t an ad for my stuff; it’s an earnest plea to grow toward your authentic self. Will this finally be the year?

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