Enneagram Seven and Four: The Fascinating Connections

At first glance, you might think that Enneagram Types Seven and Four are polar opposites. Sevens love fun and can therefore be perceived as shallow, while Fours are known for being the “deep divers of the psyche” (Riso & Hudson) and can be prone to sadness.

But these surface-level assessments don’t do either type justice, and they don’t reveal the surprising connections and similarities between Types 4 and 7. So, let’s dig down and explore these a bit.

Being “too much”

People who aren’t Fours can view the emotional depth – and when they are having a hard time, the mercurial emotional swings – as being “too much.” In a world where most people operate on autopilot and are dealing with their own unresolved trauma, the depth of a 4 is something rare, unexpected and possibly hard to know how to handle.

Sevens, for their part, can show up as “too much” when they are caught in their standard excitement cycle. Everything is amazing, Technicolor and fascinating! They tend to talk fast anyway, and in this mode, they’re on overdrive. Listeners may have a hard time keeping up with a 7’s words, thought processes and energy. I used to have a church acquaintance who called me (a 7) “the Energizer bunny.”

Even though this idea of being too much comes from very different places for a Seven and a Four, both types can experience being misunderstood and written off.

Feeling the too-muchness of the world

Enneagram Fours have permeable boundaries, meaning it can be hard to distinguish emotionally between what’s happening in the world at large and what’s particular to them. These are the folks who see more and feel more than the rest of us. In a sense, the whole world comes crashing in on them, and they have to sort through it all. It can often feel like too much.

Enneagram Sevens have firm boundaries, meaning they don’t let much in except what they want. What they typically choose is whatever is fascinating or fun – and for the keen-minded 7, there is a LOT that’s fascinating or fun. It’s hard for them to choose because that would mean limits, something 7s hate. They want all the options, but that’s not possible and ends up being exhausting as Sevens enthusiastically pursue everything all at once. That begins to feel like too much, too.

Object Relations: Frustration

Both Four and Seven belong to the Frustration group in Object Relations theory. I prefer to call us the Longing group, because we’re frustrated that we can’t find what we deem to be The Ideal. These types have a sense that something essential was withheld from them in childhood that would have made their lives perfect; this causes an early sense of longing and incompleteness.

This plays out differently in Seven and Four. Seven experienced limitations on joy, freedom or stimulation, so this personality type seeks those things out. They become the focus of their lives, escaping frustration by seeking constant new experiences and avoiding painful feelings of deprivation. Seven becomes frustrated when others or life seem to constrain options or limit joy.

Four experienced a major lack of emotional attunement or depth in early childhood, and because they are part of the Heart Triad – whose underlying emotion is shame – come to believe that an essential part of their identity is missing. This lead Four to turn inward in search of a unique, idealized self and long for (There’s that word again; see why I call this the Longing group?) a deep, perfect connection that’s always just out of reach. Four is frustrated when others don’t meet their emotional needs.

To sum up, both types carry a longing for an ideal that seems just out of reach. Both experience underlying disappointment and are often driven by a sense of what’s missing. However, Fours react to frustration by intensifying while Sevens react by escaping.

The connection to Type One

Enneagram One is the third member of the Longing group, and 7 and 4 both naturally connect to 1 on the Enneagram symbol. Sevens go to the low side of One when their standard coping mechanisms aren’t working, and Fours go to the high side of One when they feel grounded and supported.

However, there’s actually more to it than that. Types actually have access to both the low and high sides of the other “numbers” they are connected to. That means both Four and Seven share the rich possibilities inherent in One.

Four and Seven are mirrors

When the brilliant movie Inside Out came out, I wrote a post about how Joy needs Sadness. In the movie, Joy is doing the standard Seven thing, steamrolling right over anything that might bright her host, Riley, down. But at a pivotal moment in the film, Joy ends up needing Sadness’s wisdom in order to save the day.

This reminds me of the Four-Seven interaction. As I said at the beginning of this post, it may seem like these two types are opposites, but what they actually are is mirrors. Each can see in the other what’s needed to have a balanced perspective and experience of life on this earth. I’ve found that I am naturally drawn to Fours, for instance. There’s something deep inside me that knows I need what they have.

Our common humanity

This is all, of course, a bit of an oversimplification, as all discussions about personality must be. Not all Sevens are manic, always-happy fun-seekers. And I don’t mean to suggest that Fours are depressed killjoys. But personality types do have certain defining characteristics, and since most of us reside within the Average Level of Development (see The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Riso & Hudson), my goal is to give you a sense of how certain Type dynamics play out.

Enneagram Types 4 and 7 are both beautiful and necessary, especially to each other. I cherish my friendships with Fours, for instance. I hope that this post provides insight into the connections between these two seemingly opposite types and that this encourages you to look beyond the stereotypes for unexpected synergies. We are, after all, bound together by our common humanity. We are more alike than we are different.

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